Sunday, November 16, 2014

The Royals: Masters of War

Sometimes I wonder what possesses people to write a certain story, and then what possesses an editor to pick it up, and a publishing house to actually publish it, and for everyone involved to say, "Hey, that was a great idea!"  Can that many delusional people be linked together in the writing world?  I guess so, for that's the only way I can explain some of the graphic novels I've been reading lately.

To be fair, it is my fault for requesting them from Netgalley.  But it's the author, colorist, illustrator, editor, and publisher's fault that they exist.  


I'm just going to lay it all out there for you: The Royals is a miniseries about World War II where all members of royal families around the globe have secret superpowers, but nobody will use them to turn the tide of the war, because REASONS.  Prince Henry of Great Britain can fly and do various Superman-type things, and his sister, Rose is a telepath, and their womanizing louse of a brother, Arthur, is also kind of Superman-y.  One day Henry gets fed up with just sitting on the sidelines and goes and uses his powers, which makes Daddy the King very angry and makes all the other noble families start busting out their superpowers as well.  

As it turns out, Henry and Rose have the wonderful incestuous hots for each other, because of course royals can't help inbreeding!  Ha ha ha!  I don't care!  It's also really gross and totally unnecessary for the storyline, which needs all the help it can get!  A pseudo-Avengers team is put together by the American government to sort of fly around with the Royals and pretend to be superheroes too, but I don't even know why I was caring at this point.  


The Tsar of Russia didn't really die during the Bolshevik Revolution because he was too royal, but his family did.  Um, he married Alix, the granddaughter of Queen Victoria, thus also a royal (hence the hemophilia!!!), so his wife and children were also sufficiently royal to have superpowers.  But it's way more fun to turn Tsar Nikolas into Mr. Hyde meets the Wolfman than to, you know, follow logic.  

Oddly, Prince Henry seems to die twice in the comics: once during the firebombing of Dresden at the hands of an unknown assailant, and once in Berlin at the end of the comic.  

The artwork here is wildly inconsistent, with characters having a typical comic-superhero-crisp-lines look in one panel, and then a weird watercolor sort of wash in the next.  

I have become dumber after reading this, and I would not wish reading it upon anyone else in the world.  Except maybe Justin Bieber, because he is a boil upon the backside of humanity.  My intial review of this on Goodreads read simply, "utter twaddle," which I maintain to be a thoroughly accurate review.


I received an ARC of this from Netgalley.

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